I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
