so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
