Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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