I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
