yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
