She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
