I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
