I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
