He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
