I don't think brook has ever known best
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
