u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
