And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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