I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
