Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
