Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
