fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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