I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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