based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
