Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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