ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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