I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
