I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
