Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
