So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
