remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
