Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
