please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MIDGETS
????
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
