he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
