my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
