I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
