is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
