the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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