wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They took my balls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
