a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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