piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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