How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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