She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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