"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
