I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
