i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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