i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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