My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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