Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize