Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
