I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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