i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
