Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
