only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
