Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
