Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
