In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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