Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize