I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
