His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
