They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
