My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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