The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
