Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
