it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
