I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
