I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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