Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
