I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
