I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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