is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
smell my finger.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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