hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
