Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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