it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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