You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
