i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
