you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
well you can't waste a boner
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
