I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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