do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
