Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
