I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
