She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
