We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
