you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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