we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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