Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
