Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize