It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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