my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
