some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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