I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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