I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
