who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
