dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
