I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
