Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
