Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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