I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
