he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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