Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize