babies were throwing up all over the place
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
