That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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