I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
