you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
