if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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