i think i have two assholes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he fucked my hip out of place.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize